This is hard should i try to make my marriage work if my husband is not sure if he wants to stay with me?

I have been married for 4 1/2 years to my husband we have 2 kids and our marriage has been messed up since day one. I spent both of my preg alone without my husband although we were married.Our back grounds stems from abuse from both ends (although he pinned me to the floor while i was preg) non stable jobs, suspicions of him being gay, wondering if he cheated on me. The past few months i got a job that empowered me. Meanwhile my marriage was the same my husband lied allot he would pick arguments just to leave home and come back more angry. While at work i met a guy who i opened up to about what was going on we got feelings for each other and welll kissed my husband found out in a few txt messages that i should have never sent i shouldnt have kissed the guy my husband decided to stay and i stopped talking to the guy at work and it was hard for me because my husband treats me very cold at times but i did it. my husband saw his # on the house phone and was rightfully angry......